Wednesday, March 31, 2004

Changing Times!!

Changing time are ahead. I can feel it. I have began even to taste it.
Time to think where I am, and time to think where I am going and want to be.
I need so much time.
No sure if I have that much time.
Who knows, TOMORROW is not promised to anyone.
I have to act quickly. I have to stop the madness.
I have two options: I either dwell and enjoy my pity, or I take charge and do something about it.
I choose to get some results.
After all, I am more than a Conqueror through CHRIST who is my Strength.
Who am I going to believe then, Jesus and HIS WORD or fleshy constantly changing emotions?--I guess you pretty much know my answer to that already.
I think it is time TO THINK WHAT I AM THINKING about these days.
As the BIBLE says" as a man thinks so is he"--sorry, I know that it is in Proverbs but cannot record at this moment in what chapter.
Why is it that even though you know something, it is so hard to put those thoughts to action?

Why is it that may be what I might tell someone today about how to success in life, I will have to be remaindered of it tomorrow from that exact person.--May be it is what God've planned so that NOBODY will think of himself/herself more than what they should.

It humbles our spirit, yet it makes us stronger, molds our character, and makes us great human begins--The kind that God really intent for us to be at the beginning of the world.

I choose today to be happy no matter what my feelings and circumstances might be.
I choose today to think positive and have a merry heart....I choose today to smile and kill whatever hurt is trying to kill my TRUE SELF.
NOTICE" It got be a decision since trials and tribulations are part of life anyway. I either let the madness control me, or I choose to get control over it.


Sunday, March 28, 2004

Holding On To Your Hands!

I am not sure what is going on with me these days.I mean, I cannot get rid of weird feelings of depression.....In my family there are tons of history about chronicle depression and stuff like that--please don't ask--and I am begging to worry about that a little.I just feel very very sad, and not sure why...and have began avoiding friends and family too......sort of lost in my own thoughts....I know that may be I am not making any sense---trust me, I am not making any sense to myself right now either.

My thoughts overwhelm me...

"My eyes are blind to YOUR ways oh LORD,For I've seen YOU love and care, SO...I rest in YOU knowing though I may not know....I take on YOUR strength as though it were my own...I'm standing on the promisees Your Word for me provides....My complain today is bitter but sweet is YOUR reply my questioning still lingers though WHY...You know each road I travel down....My heart and YOURS are one...Through suffering and sorrow come peace beyond belief for our present circumstances serve only to remind us of THE GOLD WE CAN'T YET SEE...

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

Oh Geez....

Oh Geez!....I am very sick.....I caught this terrible stomach virus.....feeling very weak....slept through the whole day.....didn't eat anything the whole day, afraid that i would throw up if i ate.....woke up at 1:29AM and decided to try to at least drink the juice of a chicken noodles soup....came online really quick to check my e-mails---since i am trying to get my hands on two Jackie Chan movies on Ebay.....and i won :P , which makes me happy---the movies that i own are: Rumble in Honk Kong, and Killer Meteors, or suffin' like that....Also, I hope I win two other Jim Carrey Movies---One of them "The Mask" i got it on VHS but wanted to have it on DVD instead; the other one "Who the Grinch Stole Christmas" i bought it for Christmas for one of my little nephews, but wanted also to buy it for myself as well.....So, I thought of giving EBAY a chance.I'll keep YA undated on that.

I hope I get to feel better pretty soon!

Sunday, March 21, 2004

.....in my sight that is...

What a day!Went to bed pass 3:00AM....woke up at 3:00 PM....when to church to help to decorate the Fellowship hall for the Dinner tomorrow after the church service....Came home around 8:30PM....put some TV dinner on the microwave, and began watching again "The Lord Of The Rings ...The Fellowship of The Ring"...had to stop it cause my father called me long distance from Puerto Rico....We began talking at 9:30 PM and ended talking at 11:45 PM....Then, i finished watching the movie.......By 2:00 AM the movie was over and i decided to watch the national competition of culinary arts on the FOOD CHANNEl....folllowed by that i decided to come online, check e-mails, and write in here while watching at the same time "The Iron Chef" also on Food channel network.Why i call this day an INTERESTING DAY?...well, many things happened today that i realize a lot of things not only about myself but about others.I learned today how courage arrive within me that i didn't know before existed in my soul.New vision.....new strenght....FINDING WHERE I BELONG.

It is right now 2:41 AM and I wished I could write some more but, I want to go to the THRONE OF GRACE before going to sleep and renew my spirit in the GOD of My Salvation........PLUS :o) I got to wake up early tomorrow--or today for that matter--to be at church at 9:00 AM.

Wish that whoever is reading this some lonely journal would be encouraged, challenged, and at least learn something both from my mistakes and triumph.

Thursday, March 18, 2004

What is going on in my world....?!

What a week.....what a day!!I feel exhausted, while trying to cope with so many thing and so many people and different personalities.Where do my true self begin, well do my true self end.Feeling a little lost and confused.....Trying to please so many people at the same time is just too much stress.....Feeling that no matter what I do or how hard I try, people still judging and not satisfied...When would this madness end.....So many demands by people the truly care so little about me.......May be I should have let go, but how could I do that, when I am emotionally broke down?......I need a FOUNTAIN....a fountain where I can get my strength back.......How much I need to be in the Presence of God and let Him be GOD in my circumstances.I have always said that it is so easy for someone to be sweet when that someone has never gone through anything, YET, how much I truly value people that has gone through "hell on earth," yet, manage to not only to have a happy and content spirit, but also make a decision to stay sweet and have a compassionate heart....that really impresses me.Going through so much emotional changes...Wondering where this road will take me...Would I ever feel that I reached my true potential and my true destiny in life.......Is a conquest. A daily challenge...Would moving places would change anything at all?...That I know the answer.......that wouldn't help....I need to figure this thing here where I am...I need to walk face to face to the sun...Courage.......courage in the mist of confusion and despair....from where do my help comes? Oh, that my soul really knows so well...My Help will come from The Lord, God Almighty....Why am I putting my eyes in my surroundaings....am i a fool?...Knowing better, why i act so foolisness........what excuse would i bring when my concience begins questioning my own doing......If I want to change all this madness, i have to be real and true to myself and what i feel.....Don't let people put me in their own little boxes, in their own little narrow way of thinking.....I need to focus again....I need to organize my priorities.....Don't want again to begging mixing mortal for another wall to built.....I can do this.....I can take it.....With God by my side, I know I can.

Tuesday, March 16, 2004

The beginning...

Wondering why am I doing this.....writing my most inner thoughts and fear for the whole world to read.......would they laugh? Would they cry with me? would they even care?!Whatever my true hidden motive behind all this really is, I thought of taking a shoot....Wondering if all these is just a cry for someone to listen or just a need to let all the emotions and feelings that are screaming sometime inside of me to let them out and keep on walking....May be wanting to analyze myself and get to know me a little bit more while I read my own life story...One thing I do know is that whatever the effect that beginning this journey in here may take me, I've made already my mind to learn from it and begging may be tearing down some invisible walls and finally let some people in...Enjoy your reading.....Laugh if you must, cry if you could, don't give it a thought if it is just plain boring, or write me if you want also to share, or just move on and let this girl keep on walking.....

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